Ramblings

Me and a friend met a foreigner a few days back and we got talking.

It really pisses me off when I see Indians bitching about our country to outsiders.

Not that I’m a very patriotic soul, who would die for the country. But I still respect and love our country a lot!

This particular desi went on ranting about…

Children going to work

Construction of dams

Apparently, construction of dams in our country has led to fight between the states which makes our country bad. WTF! How can he forget that agriculture is the basic occupation in our country and that agriculture requires dams to survive.

Politics

Bah! Where in the world has politicians been good? And this dude goes on to say that in India, actors enter politics. The way he said was

Here in India, he he, actors enter, he he, politics, he he. Its, he he, very strange, he he!

Our hero probably forgot or doesnt know that actors entering politics is a widespread disease all over the world!

Auto majors in Chennai

Again, same tone.

I cant believe that, he he, so many auto majors are coming to, he he, set up manufacturing units in Chennai! He he, this place is like a very, he he, sleepy place! I dont know how, he he, they manage!

Corruption in Police Force

A bit of ranting about policemen  and corruption, again, a widespread phenomenon!

Parliament Shootout

In India, he he, people can just walk in with guns, he he, inside the parliament complex and shoot!

I still dont understand what was so funny in that! When terrorism is a common enemy to all of India and most of the world, this chap made a joke out of it.

Jewellery

In India, he he, people wear so much jewellery!

Indians have money to spend! Whats the problem! We should be proud that India is a rich country!

Road Rage

Referring to the infamous road rage case involving former MP and cricketer, Navjot Singh Sidhu,

In Delhi, he he, there was a fight between two guys over parking space, he he, and one of the guys, a sikh beat the other man, he he, to death! It always happens here!

This is just a very small list. He would go on to rant about people committing crimes and going scot free, politicians spending a rich lifestyle in jails, Indian movies, directions and sign boards in India, bus routes and public transport, caste system, feuds in villages, couples making out at public places and lots more which I cant remember.

It was actually sad that people rant about our country to outsiders.

I could actually think of a lot of good things in India when he was telling this.

India is the world’s 12th largest economy and the second fastest growing economy. The World Bank places India as the 4th largest in purchasing power.

India at one point fo time was one of the world’s most advanced civilization, with advances in engineering, art, philosophy, medicine, astronomy, science, literature and much more.

The most diverse culture can be found nowhere else in the world, with Dravidian, Aryan, Persian, Iranian, Scythians, Greeks, Mongols and a lot more blending into a rich cuture.

From here, I link to chapter 1 of Shashi Tharoor’s India: From Midnight to the Millennium, which is a brilliant book by itself. I would suggest you to pick up a copy for yourself. Its worth a buy.

As for the dude who has featured in this post, you may or may not read this post. But if you do read, clues are ample for yourself to know that it’s you; and let me assure that its nothing personal. Please do note that India is one of the well balanced countries in the world. We may have our share of mishaps and problems, but we also have our share of good things as well.

I had the ‘opportunity’ of having breakfast with two friends of mine who happen to be women namely, Sharanya and Suraksha.

Now I know what to expect when you take two women to breakfast.

I’m now richer by gyaan! Gyaan on where can one find better slippers at lower prices, where you get good heels and where you get good flat slippers.

—

After a while,

Suraksha: We should meet up for lunch some other day again.

Sharanya: Cool! We’ll make it a post Madras Week Lunch!

Suraksha: Ooh! I’m so excited!

Me: Mmm… The Sambhar Idli is delicious.

Sharanya: We should make it breakfast and not lunch!

Suraksha: yea. So we can have a leisurly food!

Sharanya: Ooh! I’m so excited!

Me: The chutney is great too.

—

Again some talk on where you get slippers in Adyar. Apparently, there is a potti kadai near the tea shop at 11th cross street, where you get awesome heels.

—

The crux of the breakfast conversation was this!

Sharanya: Shall we go to City Center.

Suraksha: Cool! I’m in!

Sharanya (turning to me) You coming?

Me: Hmmm… I…

Suraksha: You going shopping?

Sharanya: Yea. I need to pick up a couple of lingeries!

Me: WTF! Why’re you calling me for that!

Sharanya: Eh! Whats wrong! Anand has accompanied me once!

Enna Koduma Saar idhu!

No! This is not a take on When Harry met Sally or our own When Venu met Sonu.

This is an ode to the hundreds of Kanniappas and Muniammas lurking the streets of Madras!

Picture this - its 5 in the evening on a sultry Sunday at Pondy Bazaar, T Nagar and Kanniappa is zooming through on his Bajaj M80 carrying a load of live chicken to the slaughter house at a speed of 80 kmph. Muniamma is standing at a signal and is impatient to cross the road to buy some jasmine flowers for her hair which already resembles a mini botanical garden. She is impatient because it is Aadi thallupadi and she wants to go to Pothys to buy the saree which Asin wore in the movie, Dasavataram before Vadivu does.

Due to this impatience, she starts crossing the road even as the signal shows amber.

As the signal turned to amber, Kanniappa who was still a good distance from the crossing shifts down and revs forward to cross the signal before it turned red.

They both almost collide into each other.

What ensues next is a verbatim English translation.

Muniamma: Customer of death!

Kanniappa: You are the customer of death! Have you informed your folks back home?

M: You are driving like hair!

K: And you are crossing the road like pubic hair!

M: People like you have got fat in the ass!

Who doesnt!?

K (releases the clutch and moves forward while muttering curses) People like her have got audacity in the vagina!

(Translate the entire conversation for yourselves. If you dont know Tamzh, please ask your friends or drop me a mail and I’ll mail you the convo in Tamizh)

Like I said, there are hundreds of Ks and Ms lurking the streets of Madras. So, please make use of public transport or better stay indoors.

I hate people who argue for the sake of arguing.

No Uleadin, this is not about you, but someone else I happen to know.

A nice man gets a nice girl.

A bad man gets all o’them.

I may be a clown.

But I too got a heart which screws the rest of my day when messed with.

Thankfully today is almost over.

Why does it always happen to a friend’s friend’s friend and never to you or your friends?

Point to ponder!

Being a bachelor is frustrating.

Here’s a new series on the chronicles of a chronic bachelor (read virgin)

–

I was sitting at Ram’s office today morning discussing some important work when she walked in.

She was beautiful!

I fell in love with her immediately.

Then her husband walked in.

Working with FindNearYou.com is being of great source of experience to me - most of it wacky! I’m in the team that handles WheelsAndRevs.com and RockandRaga.in and since it is a small team - a 5 member team to be precise, the same person ends up doing so many things. For instance, I would be doing some content work in the morning, tweaking with the code in the noon, doing SEO stuff by evening and providing support to our users by the night.

I have of late been confronted with a lot of strange support requests. I am publishing a few here. It may be just coincidence, but most of these wacky support mails land up only in rockandraga’s mail box.

Support@rockandraga.in is available for chat at gtalk and there was this guy from Chandigarh who had trouble setting up his blog.

ABC Singh: I have trouble setting up a blog at rockandraga

Support (Me): No worries. Just tell me what exactly is your problem

ABC Singh: I’m not able to figure out even a percent of how to proceed.

Support: Our blogs are based on wordpress. You can always have a look at their faq or try the support forums. I can help you out if you tell me your exact problem.

ABC Singh: Can you give me your mobile number so that we can talk?

I didn’t want to give my mobile number and the phone at our department is always busy, thanks to telemarketers Shiny and Jincy. So I decided to give my mobile number. Aarva kolaru!

Support: Sure. 9884xxxxx

ABC Singh: Cool. I have stored your number. Now you can call me.

*Head to desk*

——-

Then there was this mail from another moron.

Hi,

You guys are doing a great job out there.

I stay at Coimbatore and love music. Can you guys teach me music?

An ardent music lover,

XYZ

Enna Koduma Saar Idhu!

——-

Hey Rock & Raga,

Going by the term rock and raga, i think its all about fusion music. I am very much into fusion music. Can I join your team? We can create some exciting music!

Cheers,

ASDFG

P.S: I really love the site!

A note to Ram: I really need a vacation!

——-

This is the most kickass of all support messages, again on gtalk.

ZYX: I really like the site very much.

Support(Me): Thanks a lot ZYX!

ZYX: There are however a few changes in the design that I feel would be great.

Support: Thats brilliant! We would love feedback.

ZYX: Great! I myself use Wordpress and I am very good in php. Just pass me the admin username and password and I’ll make the changes asap.

Dei… Inda madiri ethana per da kelambirukenga?!

In case, you want to be mentioned in this blog, just shoot a wacky support mail to support@rockandraga.in and I’ll be too glad to publish it here.

It was the first day in college and we were waiting for the classes to start with a great anticipation when we saw this school boy trotting around. We assumed him to be a brother of one of the people joining college that day.

He turned out to be a guy in our batch!

Further discreet inquiries revealed him to be one Prashanth, joining Computer Science in our college.

Now, as a rule, Mechanical peeps could never get along with Computer Science peeps in my college - esp CS staff. Sparks flew on the first day itself when a CS staff got snubbed by one of my class guys. He resigned the next day!

Coming to our ’subject’, we had always nurtured the thought of catching this Prashanth guy and ragging the hell out of him. Sounded fun! But some so called good samaritans in my class were against this as he was after all in our batch.

He was soon forgotten as our focus shifted from the CS guys to IT/ECE girls. Yes. CS girls in my batch are shit. No. Shit is better! It after all is a natural fertilizer!

Now, I have been in contact with our subject for the past few weeks and he turned out to be a worse KVK than I had encountered in my class!

We were chatting in Gtalk a few weeks back and he was like

Macha! I want to get into a good Ad agency da.

Some days later.

Hey, Will I get into Star Group?

Then.

Dude! I want to learn SEO!

Time passes.

Narain, I have registered for a course in affiliate marketing da!

And again.

Hey, I want to learn php and css da. Can you suggest some books?

Today morning.

Dude, I stumbled upon a book today morning on Advanced Hydraulics. Is there any way I can get into Ford Motors by reading the book?

Me: &^$&*^*@#

Update at 5:10 PM:

He came to know about one of my friends, Shillika and immediately fell for her! He has not even seen her! He just likes the name! Sheesh!

Update at 11:45 PM, 2nd june

Dei, suggest me a good camera da. I want to learn photography.

Me: Dei… Unakellam Manasaatchiye Illaya da….. *%#^$@

Update at 09:18 AM, 3rd june

I was in convo with Prashanth in Gtalk and he was referring to this post.

Uleadin: Macha… See… I want to be versatile da. I’m just trying to do everything I can do with my physical limitations.

Me: Oh! Is that why you haven’t had sex till now?

Uleadin: &%$#*@

Today was the last day of College.

After the 2 PM to 5 PM exam, we spent the next one hour sitting at all our favorite hangouts of college.

First it was the famed cement benches (mechanical marathadi) After a session of photographs there, we moved to the OAT and spent the remaining time there.

It was nostalgic and many of the guys broke down - surprisingly, I didn’t feel like crying! I was enjoying my day! Even the lateral entry guys who are over six feet and weigh above 90 kilos with a mush and beard that would put Ved Vyas to shame cried! Maybe, I am just a heartless joker!

Thinking of the bygone four years, I am reminded of a few incidents that were simply awesome!

Read the rest of this entry »

….thanks to Chicken pox!

1) Its not at all fun sitting inside home 24×7. Now I know how Suu Kyi must feel.

2) There’s nothing on TV to watch as well.

3) Twitter!

4) I have not forgotten my music.

5) Cartooning still comes good to my hands.

6) Bread, idly and buttermilk-rice are not the best meals around.

7) Its a shitty feeling that I have missed last day of college.

Sitting and doing nothing isnt that great as it seems to be.

9) Indian cricket team should learn to bat on all kinds of wickets.

10) Chicken Pox has nothing to do with chicken.

Update at 9:44 PM

11) Typing the number eight and a closing bracket [8)] brings up a smiley!

I had gone to this popular bookstore in Chennai to buy the graphic novel V for Vendetta by Alan Moore and this is what happened.

Me (To the support staff) : Excuse me. Can I have the book V for Vendetta?

Support Staff : Huh?

Me: V for Vendetta. By Alan Moore.

SS: Huh?

Me (thinking) : #%&$*

Me: I want to buy the graphic novel V for Vendetta by Alan Moore; illustrated by David Lloyd.

SS: Just a minute Sir.

Me (thinking) : So, he can speak. All along I had been thinking he had got the job in handicapped qouta!

SS (types in the computer) : W-E-E  4…

He looks up at me,”Wee 4?”

Me (thinking) : #%&$*

Me : No No.. Its the alphabet ‘V’. V for Volleyball.

SS: But you told V for something else Sir… not volleyball…

Me : :’(

I imagined myself picking up a fat book from the nearest section and bringing it down on the thickhead’s skull.

Me : Type the alphabet V

SS (types) : V

Me : Now type F-O-R

SS (types) : F-O-R

Me : V-E-N-D-E-T-T-A

SS (types) : Vendetta

The computer spewed some obscenities.

SS : One second sir.

I nodded. Involuntarily. Well, I didn’t have much options.

The jackass went and sent another support staff

SS2 : Yes Sir. May I help you.

I definitely needed help!

Me (while checking out the chick browsing the magazines section) : I am looking for the graphic novel  V for Vendetta by Alan Moore and illustrated by David Lloyd.

SS2 : Oh! We have got that book Sir. Just a minute.

Ah! Here is my man!

Me : Great. I am in the humour section.

SS2: Sure Sir.

I went to the humour section and started reading a Calvin and Hobbes book.

I had flipped through 54 pages when someone tapped me on the shoulders.

I turned and saw the SS2 proudly presenting me the book.

The cover read Vedanta - an outlook!

Me (This time not thinking!) : #%&$*…

Sometimes i have a feeling; why was i ever born in this world ( its not a question of why not in mars). Was my daddy’s boy. Went to school, played cricket, sang ARR, was in front of Star Sports every Sunday watching Schumi win, always tried to impress the girl next door. Was a typical Indian guy. Well… so why was i ever pushed into the world by God. Did I really want to be born into this place? Did i ever resist God against being born here? I would have been happy in Paradise surrounded by Apsaras.

So what’s the big idea of me taking birth from my mother’s womb into this scum of a place.

I had not got this idea a few months back.

That’s when things started going wrong.

I just couldnt learn the bass guitar. Some dude brought this stupid set top box system in madras(only in madras). There goes my F1(Well.. am happy though that someone has lit a fire under this dude’s a**)Stopped going to school.(Went to college then. But that’s altogetherly a different issue!)

Even the girl next door shifted place!

Coming back to the God thing, I guess He would be having a nice laugh behind my back.

With the world questioning my every move( Nowadays, i just take a bath for the society’s sake!) i dunno whom to turn to. Why was i ever born in this world? Are You listening?

But as James Hetfield wrote

“never cared for what they do

never cared for what they know

but I know….

….Nothin’ Else Matters”

Provides the silver lining to my life…

Guess what?

A new girl has occupied the next door.